Introduce Me
Here we introduce a Series about Myron’s wife -- the Marm – and her grifter family. This preview will be a Free for All. The full Episode is For Paying Eyes Only.
It’s about how these grifters latched on to Myron and then my own family. It’s also about how I figured this one out too.
Before getting started, I have to say, I am strangely thankful. Until the Marm came on the scene, getting conveniently pregnant, I had no idea about Hannibal. I had yet to catch on to her deceit, lying, manipulation, thefts, cruelty, and all the other stuff we here at The Handbook are detailing.
Remember The Handbook Rule of “What Changed”? Well, Ima about to tell you.
Saving the Last for Best
My overall operating theory in all of this saga is that Hannibal, Fredo, and my sister(?) are being blackmailed by the grifter family. Myron is probably both a blackmailer and a blackmailee.
I haven’t yet figured out the answer to this question: Is the grifter family Hannibal’s worst nightmare or her dream team?
For now, let’s start at the beginning.
The Stars at Night
I am in an Airbnb in Austin, TX. It’s April 2013. Saturday night.
Ack-Ack-Ack. OM--M-F’ing--G! What is that ungodly noise? At 2am?
There it is again. Ack-Ack-Ack. Screeeetch. Squeltch. Like someone was rubbing an angry possum up and down on a blackboard. Or like Cousin It being zapped with a cattle prod.
I looked out of the window and couldn’t see anything. But there it was again. Ack-Ack.
So I went outside, carrying a broom, and I saw them. Two menacing Guinea Fowl, sitting on the window ledge, giving me the evil stare-down. I shook the broom at them, and they scattered. That only made them mad. They came back a few minutes later and this time it was totally personal. They were louder and way chattier. Talk about angry birds.
All throughout the night, the Guinea Fowl’s deafening shrieks cut through the air.
Pillows over the head were of no use. I thought of all the different ways to dispatch a pair of Guinea Fowls without anyone noticing. I finally settled on a catapult. Where was I going to find one of those at 2am?
By the time the Sun was set to rise, I fell asleep.
When I awoke, it was Sunday morning. I could hear music coming from across the street. We were in an older part of town, largely African-American. There was a church service going on. I admired all the big hats, colorful dresses, sharp-dressed men, and flowers.
I felt a lot better.
Longhorn Leghorns
Why was I in Austin, TX, at an Airbnb? To meet Myron.
Myron had rolled in from Houston and brought a “girl” with him. Of course, he did not let me know he was bringing a “girl”.
I grimaced. Not again, I thought. Myron often showed up with different girls. So, I had gotten used to it and didn’t take it too seriously this time. Maybe I should have.
Either Myron or the “girl” arranged the lodging. I’m guessing the “girl”, because Myron doesn’t really do much of anything. Either way, it and was not very good. And it only had one bathroom.
The “girl”, as Muff and I would later call her, did not say much. I couldn’t figure out why he brought her. She was not interesting. She didn’t seem interested in anything. She didn’t seem to connect with anyone and was just right there in work out clothes. Smirking. She avoided making eye contact. Just about the only thing I remember her connecting with was her chewed on cuticles. That was it.
Looking back, I can now see the Guinea Fowls were giving me warning. As in “run for your life”
Like in this picture.
Scene from Wedding Crashers
My personal boundaries were about to be bombarded. Was the shrieking pair outside of the master bedroom a symbol for the scheming pair inside the master bedroom? By the way, having only one bathroom was a typical Myron dick move. He was always obsessed with toilets for some reason. He would brag about blocking someone’s toilet up when staying overnight with them. He did that to me once. Also, Muff’s toilet used to back up all the time after Hannibal visits.
By the way, I looked up the Airbnb later and there were exactly zero mentions of any Guinea Fowl in the reviews. Seriously, Airbnb needs a category for that. You know, Central Air Conditioning – check. Number of Bathrooms – 2. Guinea Fowl – No.
This Bird has Flown
After I returned from Austin, TX, to #6 Accosted. I noticed the two giant green ceramic Guinea Fowl figurines that had been on Hannibal’s “breakfas” room cabinet for as long as I can remember. I just never looked.
I asked Hannibal about them and mentioned I had just crossed paths with a pair in Austin, of all places. Hannibal shrugged her shoulders and didn’t say much.
Birds of the same damned feathers, I thought. Probably the best example I have come across. There they are. Seemingly out of sight. Laying low on your window sill. Waiting. Just when you get comfortable. Ack-Ack-Ack. After that, every time I walked into #6 Accosted from the garage -- that leads straight into the kitchen area for some reason – I looked sideways at those fat birds.
I did deliver a little comuppance in March 2019, though. That’s when I watched Hannibal pace around the #6 Accosted kitchen island like a tongue-tied pelican, continuously asking “is she a prostitute?” Referring to the Marm. This conversation went on for like an hour.
For fun, I looked at the ceramic birds and said “you’re starting to sound like those Guinea Fowl back there. Are you sure you’re OK?”. It seemed like a bookend. Hmmm. That’s funny. Now that I think about it, those ceramic birds might be actual bookends.
Hello Goodbye
That was the first time I met the Marm. But that wasn’t the first time I heard about her.
It’s June 2012.
Myron had bought some Hawaii trip package at some charity aution. He said it was for his then current girlfriend. We call her #1. We all liked #1. He was lying, of course.
Can I go along with #1, Myron asked me. Hannibal is going also. That in itself was weird. Hannibal hated Hawaii. Though I guess she did like all-expenses-paid Hawaii.
Anyway, I agreed for some unknown reason. We get to Hawaii – to the Ritz Carlton Residences in Kapaula Bay on Maui. Within a day, Myron calls up #1 and says he is breaking up with her. He is now dating the Marm.
While we were consoling #1 in Hawaii, Myron was moving in the Marm. She was at the time a waitress at the Irish pub Myron and #1 used to frequent. The Marm had recently moved to Houston from Georgia, pretended to be friends with #1, so #1 helped her feel welcome. So in return, the way I understand it, The Marm began hooking up with Myron behind #1’s back. That to me is betrayal. I’ll tell you what for -- when it comes to most types of bad behavior, women are just a lot worse than men. I can say that because I am one. Also because it’s true.
I’m hoping to get some more of #1’s stories. She will have a unique and sad perspective, although I can understand why she might be a little bit reluctant.
What You Takin’ About, Phyllis?
I will tell you.
Here are the main characters in our Series. We will enjoy dissecting them.
The Marm-aluke
Myron’s wife. She got pregnant in October 2018 – on purpose probably – and got married in April 2019. I have questions about this. Some of the timing doesn’t add up. Some lies were definitely told!
We have been able to obtain a paper she did in nursing school. Based on a thorough review, she has no detectable IQ.
Why do I call her “the Marm”? Too easy.
Dr. Kreeper – The Dad
Meth-head actor.
Dr. Kreeper once was a Doctor. He was also once the clinical director of the Texas drug abuse commission, then got busted for drugs and fired. That was in 2003. Then he was selling addiction self-help videos on Amazon, only to get busted again for meth production.
Good luck finding any of that online, though. Most of it has been totally scrubbed. Good thing I saved all my research.
Oh yeah, he has a striking resemblance to Curtis Eddie Smith from the Alex Murdaugh case in South Carolina. Just sayin’.
Karen Casing – The Mother, a.k.a. The Marm’s Marm
All around Karen.
Shortly after the Marm’s baby was born, the Marm’s Marm sold her house on Chowning Court, Marietta, GA, bought a house in Amarillo for cash, and moved to town just to be close to the Marm . . . for some reason. Except she didn’t really pay cash. A month later she took out a home equity loan. Deeds are public records.
Fatt Boy – The Brother
More menacing than all of them. Probably behind a lot of the rumoured illegal online gambling and other cyber stuff Myron “allegedly” does. Probably ran the Motor City Cash Machines – to be discussed later.
Oh yeah, Fatt Boy was arrested for running naked down the street in Houston.
[The End]
Oh Oh, do one more!
OK.
Heat My Shorts
It’s 2013. I am in Houston. I am staying at Myron’s and plan to take #1 out for a lunch later that day.
Something familiar caught my eye. Disposable pajama bottoms folded in an exposed shelf. I had bought these exact same PJs from a Walmart in Oklahoma to camp out at an estate sale a few month earlier. I thought I had thrown them out. They weren’t even donation worthy.
The rest of the story is for our amazing wonderful and super smart paying subscribers.
