The Book Reporter
How I met my Mother
It’s a school day, not just any school day either. It’s Book Report day!
Here we give our report on books, articles and other publications -- that we totally read -- that are interesting, really make you think, and are both informative and informational!
Or, you can just watch the movie -- for example, like The Red Badge by Stephen Crane, about the Civil War and how cowardice can turn into courage. This really happened: this one time, in high school, we all had to do a book report on The Red Badge of Courage, which, needless to say, required us to read it. By some strange coincidence, the movie version (starring John Boy Walton, I think) was airing the day before the book reports on said subject were due. No doubt that saved many students from the arduous task of actually having to read the book.
Not me, though. I have always enjoyed reading . . . since before I could even read! When I was little, I would look at the pictures and pretend to read. It must have been funny to watch.
Later, when I could actually read, I read everything I could find. e.g., all the Nancy Drew books, two times over. Later, my mother made me read books about Ted Bundy. Why would someone do that? Seems creepy?
Anyway, here I am at my Aunt’s JuJu’s birthday party when I could read. She was really old then, like 23 or something.
Yes, I am adorable. Thank you for noticing! What are those red marks above my eyes? Funny you should ask. I was in the car with Hannibal. She was driving fast then abruptly slammed on the brakes. I hit the dashboard. I forgot about that incident until recently when my Aunt sent me this snap.
When I was young, I used to read magazines from back to front. It seemed more interesting that way. I even read trade magazines like “The American Cattleman“ that way (though I can’t say I understood too much, seeing as how I was a kid and all).
Much like the time I watched True Detective, Season One from 2014. You know, the one with Matthew McConaughey (I admit it, I had to look up the spelling of that) and Woody Harrelson (I knew how to spell that). Everyone at the time was saying how mysterious and slow and confusing and meandering, etc., etc., True Detective, Season One was.
Well, I watched the first episode and it seemed totally straightforward to me and entirely understandable. I was excited to see how the story would “runfold”. Well, turns out, I somehow goofed up the recording schedule and watched the last episode first. So, for me, it played out like one of those cleverly structured psychological stories where you know the ending, and the fun part is seeing how in the heck we get there.
Kind of like a David Lynch film. We love David Lynch films (including TV).
So, back to Book Reports. Today I will cover the first book on psychopaths I read.
Before I get into the Report, please note that I don’t always read every single word of every book. Sometimes I will skip around and find the fun and relevant parts. Sometimes I might read a few parts in one sitting, then come back days or months later and read other parts.
I had a professor in college who told the class we didn’t need to read every word or every page of the assigned reading. What useless advice is that?!? I mean, unless you read every word, how will you know what not to read? Is there is a movie version?
Plus, I wouldn’t want to be like this guy --
Far Side, by Gary Larson
OK. I hope that makes things clearer!
How I Met My Mother
Confessions of a Psychopath -- A life spent hiding in plain sight, by M.E. Thomas, Crown Publishers, New York, 2013
The Preambulator
In 2013 or so, I started reading books about psychopaths . . . for some reason. Seriously, I don’t know why. Except for the above mentioned Ted Bundy books my Hannibal mom made me read, I hadn’t really thought much about psychopaths, narcissists or other such malformed miscreants.
Maybe it was my subconscious telling me what to do, as if whispering “hey, you just might want to check this out . . . you know, just sayin’. . .” Or maybe it was a guardian angel or some of the other majestic spirits who I think are trying to help me.
Introduction
Anyway, this book is the first one I bought -- probably on Amazon. Amazon link here
I haven’t looked at it for a few years, and when I recently opened it up for today’s Book Report, several airplane tickets fell out. I remember reading this book on airplane trips, for a few reasons. First, you can get hours of quiet and focus on an airplane. Second, anyone sitting next to you will think twice about striking up a conversation! I make me laugh.
Confessions of a Psychopath is written from the perspective of a self-identified psychopath. Now, our Handbook aims to dissect the counterfeit human -- one ever-loving piece at a time. In Confessions of a Psychopath, however, the counterfeit human dissects herself.
Jumping Right In
The book starts off with a purported psychological evaluation (written in pretend typewriter font and so maybe didn’t even happen). Here are some quotes from the evaluation:
“M.E. Thomas is a 30-year old Caucasian” (is “Caucasian” capitalized?); “seeking an assessment of her personality” (doubt it); “particularly in regards to the presence or absence of psychopathic traits” (really doubt that, psychopaths know who they are).
The evaluation goes on to say she “scored at the 99th percentile of the community normative data” -- ummm, what? She also took the PCL:SV test which, de-jargonized -- is the Psychopathy Checklist : Screening Version, developed by psychologist Robert D. Hare, and influenced by the work of psychiatrist Hervey M. Checkly. On future Book Report Days I will cover both of their works; though for now, I will say they are some of the most important [and highly informative and informational(!) - ed].
Dr. Checkly began treating and writing about psychopaths in the 1930s and published Mask of Sanity in 1941; he is one of the originators of the school of psychos.
Mask of Sanity itself went through six editions, the last one published in 1982. That’s the one I have.
There is an earlier German language book describing psychopathic behavior, from the 1920s maybe, the name of which escapes me. Yeah, well, I have enough trouble with English.
Back to Ms. Thomas: Patient displays “a pronounced lack of empathy, a ruthless and calculating attitude towards social and interpersonal relationships, and a relative immunity to experience negative emotions”. Patient also displays “ antisocial and psychopathic traits” (you don’t say). . . “interpersonal dominance, verbal aggression, and excessive self-esteem” (don’t I know it!) . . . combined with “very low scores on measures tapping negative affective experiences” -- a/k/a those weakling traits, like shame, empathy, humility, the rest of us actual ordinary humans have.
All psychopaths I know of are like this. So, this is just a long way of saying
Ms. Thomas a full on Olympic level psychopath.
Here’s another key statement: “Ms. Thomas does not view herself as ‘disordered. . .”
My view is Psychopaths are not mentally ill. They are not broken. They function exactly as their own genes made them. Psychopaths are not humans, though, but consider themselves to be superior to actual humans. Everything that exists is theirs for the taking.
Sell me this Book
The rest of Confessions of a Psychopath alternates between clinical descriptions and excerpts from experts and personal stories told from the view point of the actual psychopath. Those stories are the highlight, largely because they demonstrate the sheer calculating and savage way psychopaths think, annotated with Ms. Thomas’ own thoughts at the time. Cumulatively, these thoughts prove the adage that, as bad as you think something might be, it’s a lot worse.
The book opens as follows:
In Chapter 1 - entitled I’m a Sociopath and So Are You, starting right there on page 1, she describes showing up for private swim lessons she is about to give, when she notices a baby opossum (you say “opossum”, I say just “possum”) in the pool struggling to reach safety. She grabs a net, pushes the possum underwater a few times, playing with it like a killer whale plays with a seal, then walks away to let the possum die. But all is not lost. Ms. Thomas calls her swim pupil, cancels the meeting on account of something is wrong with the pool, and gets the day off.
When she gets back home, she picks up the net again, scoops out the now dead possum, and tosses it over the fence.
The story itself is not the worst part. What’s worse is that Ms. Thomas writes it up like a movie scene -- demonstrating to me, at least, that psychopaths are pretty pleased with themselves. Why, she outta be in pictures!
No, I said sell me this book
Remember, telling is not selling! OK, I got me there.
Why I like this book is because on nearly every page, I will find stories that remind me of my Hannibal mom. Let’s take a short random-ish walk.
Pg. 50 -- Motor City Mama
“Perhaps my risk taking can be best seen in terms of my affection for mishaps with motor vehicles. I love cars. I feel invincible behind the wheel, and I often put myself and others at risk . . . .”
Oh boy, does that ever describe my Hannibal mom. I can think of at least 10 accidents she has had over the years. I have definitely been in the car with her, driving down a busy street, where she will abruptly change lanes with no notice.
In Texas, many folks drive some variation of a giant Pickup or a Suburban type vehicle. That’s what Hannibal drives. I pity the poor fool who might be driving a regular old sedan when Hannibal comes to town. She doesn’t care, however. In fact, just in the past 5 years, I think she has gotten 3 new vehicles following accidents.
For example, in 2020, she got T-boned at an intersection . . . and lived to tell. New car. Then, in 2022, she somehow had a collision with the cement parking pillars at the local Sams Club. She got another car last year. Don’t know why. They stopped telling me stuff.
OK. Do one more!
Page 134 -- Shoplift, Hoard and Give ‘em all away
“I started an elaborate shoplifting scheme from the BYU convenience stores. One of my friends told me about a sack lunch program that was woefully unsupervised. Over the course of a semester or two I took over a thousand dollars in merchandise. At first, I consumed or hoarded the goods . . . . Eventually I started giving the stuff away in fits of well-calculated generosity.”
Just like Hannibal. She is a giant hoarder. Every empty space, inside the house, in the garage, in the barn a few miles away (which I think doubles as an illegal gambling machine operation run by my brother (?) Myron — allegedly) is filled with hoarded, and possibly purloined, stuff and assorted junk.
I have long suspected my Hannibal mom is a klepto.
She did the giveaway thing too. The Aunt I never knew about until recently told me a story. Maybe 25 years ago, Hannibal delivered to her siblings racks full of new clothes, many still with tags, and some from high end stores. Where did Hannibal come up with all these clothes. Your guess is as good as mine. Except, I ain’t guessing. I think she swiped them -- probably over many years.
Conclusion
Confessions of a Psychopath really made me think. What about? Psychopaths are smoldering piles of evil malcontentedness. We all get that. The key message for me, however, is that they are all the same -- not just in their traits -- but in their actions. They all seem to do all the same things!
So, reading Confessions of a Psychopath is how I met my mother. I mean, it is a dead on accurate description of Hannibal.
Or as Marisa Tomei said in My Cousin Vinny, “dead-on balls accurate”!
Marisa totally deserved the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for her performance. I feel bad she got sabotaged afterwards.
There is a lot more useful stuff in this book. But for now, I am beginning to bore myself. Seriously, isn’t there a movie . . .
Oh well, I guess I might have to do a sequel!
Epilogue
What I think about psychopaths in general -- if they weren’t so savage and evil, you might admire them. They can be very effective and are not slowed down by any discernable emotion or remorse. They really only have one weakness, i.e., the super high regard they have for their own-darned-selves. That, plus, risk taking. Sometimes, they can’t help themselves.
We, however, can, learn from them without being them. Turnabout is fair play, so they say.
P.S. “M.E. Thomas” is a pseudonym, which sort of sounds like she is saying “me thomas” or something. She was outed later on. Her real name is Jamie, I think, and she now does podcasts and stuff like that.
She also has a sub-reddit see here: